Got yourself involved with a baseball fanatic, and don't get what is the big deal? Baseball is a great game, but let me help you figure out how to figure it out. I've been there, scratching my head and asking stupid questions. This is what I've learned along the way. --The Girlfriend

Monday, June 23, 2008

The Fab Boys of Summer

Lately, this blog has assumed a serious tone of learning about strike zones, box scores, and batting averages. Time to take a seventh inning stretch. Girlfriend, it’s time to talk about hair.

Most baseball players are clean shaven, well groomed and all their hair fits under their respective team caps. There is even something in the New York Yankees's contract requiring everyone to be short haired, clean shaven representatives of The Big Apple. But just like girls in Catholic school uniforms who find some way to style it up and express themselves despite the rules, there are some huge exceptions to this trend in baseball, and I have to admit, most of them seem to be connected to the Boston Red Sox.

Back in the glory days of the 2004 season of the Red Sox when everyone grew their hair long on the team in some collective male bonding ritual, Johnny Damon was the lion of them all. His glorious hair was cut, however, by the Delilah called the Yankees which was only one of many reasons he shouldn’t have gone to New York.

Current day BoSox first baseman Kevin Youklis has been having what appears to me a series of really bad hair days. I really love Youklis (or YOOOK! as his fans call him) as a player, but I can not get past the close shaved, well shined chrome of a dome combined with that goatee. It’s a little too apocalyptic-post-modernist-neo-thug-something that creeps me out a bit. Best to keep the hat on, Youk, and just play ball.


Of course, then there's Manny being Manny. Manny Ramirez has got to be the king of locks that scream "I've got to be me!" or maybe more accurately whines "I got sick of combing my hair." Over the years, the longer his dreads have extended down his back, the better a hitter he has become, so I'm sure a haircut won't be coming soon. He is quite the sight when the force he channels into hammering the ball over the Green Monster ("Hello, Tokyo!") pops his helmet off his head, sending his hair flopping like a mop gone bad as he jogs the bases. I imagine those “do-rags” that keep his hair under the batting helmet have to be custom made.








Another outfielder, Coco Crisp, (who also has one of the best baseball names) sports some stylish cornrows capped in black beads that I swear you can hear clicking as he throws himself into second base for yet another steal. Coco is looking sharp these days, but it isn't easy setting a trend in tresses. In a recent game, Coco charged the mound after getting hit by a ball thrown by a Tampa Bay pitcher. In the fight that followed, some hairpulling ensued and it wasn't Kevin Youklis who got tugged. Those braids and beads make an easy target. I guess fashion comes at a price no matter what sex you are.





For keeping the 1970s alive in the fabric of fashion statements, credit is due to Randy Johnson of the Arizona Diamondbacks (formerly of the Seattle Mariners and the Yankees) for keeping the mullet alive.





Equal time must be given to the Chicago White Sox who are the newest bad boys of the follicle set. Their taste run to those funky "soul patches" that are waning from fashion. Remember David Oritz with the pink bat on Mother's Day? Check out Bobby Jenks and Nick Swisher and their pink highlighted patches of hair celebrating their respective mothers. Can't say that those boys don't have a good sense of humor, if not a sense of of what truly looks good.


Hair is supposed to be fun. Baseball is supposed to be fun. But if you are a player who likes to combine the two, steer clear of the Yankees. Delilah and her scissors are waiting for you.

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